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When deciding to create a 6-piece series this year - my first time with a series this size - I realized the only way to work through it, and complete it within the timeline, would be to set up a formula to streamline my process. Six pieces in tandem. First their backgrounds, then borders, then frameworks, then imagery, then details, then clean up, then framing, then writing. This formula my path forward. Artistic and efficient. An engineer-turned-artist’s ideal combo. But it didn’t work. The formula immediately broke. Or I broke it. Or it was broken to begin with. I found my artwork rebelling against the formula. My heart rebelling against the mind. Of course it would. Art isn’t created in anything resembling a streamlined process. Neither is our growth. It’s slow and spontaneous, and delicate and fierce, and obstinate and playful. The pendulum swings between draining doubt and energizing epiphanies. Forced to abandon the formula, I listened. Listened when my body said it was time to rest. Listened when it was time to let go of rules and play. Listened when curiosity was trying to push her way past perfectionism. I began working on one piece at a time. From start to a finished piece hanging on my own home’s walls. I lived with her story before beginning again. Slow, inefficient, unoptimized growth. Each painting has become an opportunity to rebel against my own personal formulas – a chance to sit with my unexamined insecurities, unchallenged coping mechanisms, unchecked habits, unnurtured esteem, and unexplored curiosities. A chance to try everything in a new way. A chance to become a formula rebel.
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