Art Letters

I’ve been studying and working with the concept of deconditioning the last few months. The idea that while there are areas of our being that are defined and fixed, there are also several areas of ourselves that are undefined and open. While these open areas can be a great gift, they are also more susceptible to conditioning - especially as children - which we then carry with us throughout our lives.

To decondition is to recognize and eventually let go of the conditioning we’ve received - that while perhaps useful to us in navigating our childhood and early independence - now may hinder or limit our true nature.

This reminded me very much of the role perfectionism has played in my life.

While I’ve made great gains in deconditioning the self-oriented forms of perfectionism explored a year ago in the painting above, “Safety Net”, I’ve been noticing another repeated theme at play in the form of socially-prescribed perfectionism.

I began questioning these behaviors:

What if I said yes to myself, even if it meant saying no to someone else?

What if I nudged my own preferences, needs, wants in line with those of others?

What if I didn’t take on the worries of others as my own?

What if I checked in on my inner child with the same frequency I checked in on others?

Would I be as valid?

Would I be as worthy of love?

Would I love myself less?

Might I learn to love and accept myself more?

What would it look like to revisit “Safety Net” - one year later - and explore these new questions?

I began playing with the idea of breaking up the ‘perfect’, defined structure seen in “Safety Net” and imagining what the next generation of this shape could look like. A nod also to breaking generational patterns.

To do so, I took the image of “Safety Net” and began cutting into it, as seen in the brainstorm below. A break in the system, in the structure, in the coping mechanisms that no longer suit and serve.

Next, I rotated “Safety Net”, a new perspective entirely. Our subtle shifts giving way to new vantage points.

The ‘waters' of “Safety Net” shift from pink energy, to a blue calm.

Next, the pink paint used in “Safety Net” was mixed with the blue paint used in this piece, to create the purple uncovered once the safety of the net and the limits of our conditioning have been bravely broken.

Now a desire, a curiosity to dive not outwards, but inwards. A new depth revealed within as we slowly decondition to remove the layers of perfectionism - both self-oriented and socially-prescribed. Held by self love, respect. Our inner authority. Our source of love found in the one place we can always rely.

DECONDITION, RINSE AND REPEAT
36x36 Acrylic on Wood Panel
Mont Art House

Thank you for personally connecting with me through this work. You are already perfect.