Art Letters from Mione

Art Letters

May 22, 2023

She longs to be loved for her real self, not just when she is wearing the mask of the good girl. She longs to be loved when she disappoints you, when she is grumpy, when she is inconvenient, when she is messy, when she is confused, when she produces nothing, when she is inconsistent, when she is empty handed, when she changes her mind.

The real question is, how willing are we to love ourselves in these moments?

An excerpt from Bethany Webster, in her book Discovering the Inner Mother, piercing right through me. Not a stab but a beam of light to the parts within kept in the dark.

How willing am I to love myself even when I produce nothing? I heard the term recently of the western ‘religion of productivity’. I’d argue this applies around the globe, but definitely seen clearly in our western culture. How much we base our value - daily - on what we’ve accomplished. I’ve noticed how many times my husband and I answer “how was your day?” with notes of what we got done.

What about the days it seems impossible to accomplish, to produce? Are we not deserving of love, of inner kindness then? Might we be most in need of self love in these moments?

I heard a recommendation last week to write a letter to yourself and list all the things you love about yourself. I decided to try it, but instead via a chat with myself while taking a walk. As I started, I began listing aloud my positive qualities. By the third one, things felt off. I realized I was implicitly saying to myself ‘I love myself because I demonstrate these valuable qualities’. What about when I don’t?

So I shifted course, and went the opposite route. I started reciting my negative qualities and following each one with an ‘I love you.’ Soon the chat took the form of

I love you when you’re angry.
I love you when you’re sad.
I love when you’re uncomfortable.
I love when you’re awkward.
I love when you push too hard.
I love when you can’t let go.
I love when you’re overwhelmed.
I love when you’re lazy.
I love when you make mistakes.
I love when you make them again.
I love you even when. Especially when.

I soon became wrapped in a bubble of what felt like self acceptance. Of recognizing myself at my worst, and knowing it was still enough. That all those ‘negative’ moments are the ones where I’m most learning, most growing, most expanding. That I don’t have to do anything to be worthy of love. That I'm made of love. I am love. I will return to love.

Even when. Especially when.

I love you.

My son’s lego board caught my attention - the foundation for building, for creating, for producing - a multitude of possibilities.

I began a study to see if I could replicate the baseplate, the foundation. I measured the spacing of the pegs so they could match up with his blocks.

I initially traced each circle from a small template, in order that the peg iterations would be perfectly uniform. The irony of creating a painting about producing nothing then sunk in, and I decided it best and most fun to draw each circle free hand. No perfect circle. No problem.

Each peg with its process - draw, highlight, shadow.

2,601 pegs. No rush.

Now baseplate complete, time to build.

What would I produce?

Nothing.

WHEN SHE PRODUCES NOTHING
27 x 27 Acrylic, Ink and Chalk on Paper, Framed in Maple
montarthouse.com

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Thank you for personally connecting with me through this work. I love you even when - especially when - you produce nothing.

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